"The colors are black and gold/The dawn is asking for more/She wants to be treated whole/she wants to be loved like sunshine"
~Carrie Akre of Hammerbox
The other day I was listening to a new release by one of my all time favorite artists, and it just wasn't doing it for me. What happened to the edge? What happened to the sadness? Where's the hurt? The empathy? What am I supposed to relate to exactly? And like a lightning bolt in the darkness, I remembered one of my favorite female fronted rock bands - Hammerbox. I immediately did a search on Spotify to see if they had something to fulfill my craving, and they did not disappoint. I hit play and was instantly teleported back to Seattle in the 90s. I could feel the flannel against my skin, the breeze blowing through the holes in my jeans, and the stubble from my freshly manicured mohawk. The grunge scene was exploding. Bands like Mudhoney, Soundgarden, Pearl Jam, Nirvana, and Hammerbox were igniting a fire that no one had felt in a long time.
Back then I wasn't afraid of anything; I was invincible. I had a large network of friends who were of similar mindset and place in life, and we were unstoppable. We were the lost, the forgotten, the misfits. We took care of each other. We were each others family. As a 15 year old girl, I spent countless nights wandering the streets with my trusty notebook moving from diner to diner for shelter. Sometimes taking refuge with strangers I met there, not know where I would end up in the morning or what my next move would be. I probably should have been found on the side of the road dead at some point, but I wasn't.
That was a hundred years ago now, a lifetime away from where I'm at nowadays. I've repaired many of the bridges I'd burned. I have a stable job, reliable transportation, and a roof over my head, which were the three things I wanted for myself back then. I remember so many names and faces of the people who helped me, whom I am grateful for every day. I have even reconnected with some of them online. You may be one of those people reading this right now, and if you are, I want to thank you. Thank you for taking care of me. Thank you for making sure I had a place to crash, a meal to eat, a ride, a shoulder, whatever I needed at that time.
I also want to thank you for supporting me in my music endeavors, for in every song I write is a little piece of you.