Still Breathing is a raw alt-pop track about surviving abuse and the aftermath that lingers. Tense, urgent, and defiant, it captures the fight to escape, reclaim your voice, and keep going when you're barely holding on.
The story behind the song: By the time I turned 14 I was getting pretty good at pushing my parents buttons. If I was going to get beaten or berated, I might as well be in control of when it happens, right? So one day I came home and the step-monster said some bullshit and I smarted off, I don't even remember the words that were exchanged. What I do remember is her grabbing me, shoving me inside a closet and closing her hands around my neck. Tight. I remember not being able to breathe. I remember digging my fingernails into the flesh on her arms. I also remember being blamed for it after the fact. It's been over 30 years since then and I can still remember it like it was yesterday. I've written a few songs about this over the years but none of them really captured my feelings as accurately as this one. I'm trying to say, “I'm still breathing, even though you tried to take that from me”. Most of my life I have lived in a state of fight or flight because of situations just like this one. Too many to list, too many to recall. I've blocked out so much of my childhood I barely remember any of it. But I remember being afraid. I remember asking for help and being told I was being dramatic. I remember leaving home at 15 thinking “I'd rather die than go back there and endure one more day of this shit.”
RELATED MERCH
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LYRICS
Memories of you come creeping in
Feel your hands close around my neck
Dig my fingernails into your flesh
Got to fight my way out of this
Hands shaking, heart pounding
Dry mouth, tunnel vision
I’m still breathing in, even though I’m losing my mind
I’m still running, running for my life
I've been searching for a way to move on
I’m still learning how to break free
Uh oh oh oh oh oh o-oh the first time was the last time
uh oh oh oh oh oh o-oh I won't be your sacrifice
Trapped inside this endless wheel
Even now it haunts me still
You tried to silence me with your fist
I'll scream and cry out loud, I won't be quiet
Thoughts racing, shallow breaths
Sweaty palms, muscles tense
I’m still breathing in, even though I’m losing my mind
I’m still running, running for my life
I've been searching for a way to move on
I’m still learning how to break free
Uh oh oh oh oh oh o-oh the first time was the last time
Uh oh oh oh oh oh o-oh I won't be your sacrifice
Uh oh oh oh oh oh o-oh The first time was the last time
Uh oh oh oh oh oh o-oh I won't be your sacrifice
INSTRUMENTAL
Hands shaking, heart pounding
Dry mouth, Tunnel vision
I’m still breathing in, even though I’m losing my mind
I’m still running, running for my life
I've been searching for a way to move on
I’m still learning how to break free
Uh oh oh oh oh oh o-oh the first time was the last time
Uh oh oh oh oh oh o-oh I won't be your sacrifice